The Hotel hollahs have been silent since the Puppy wedding. Why? Has nothing since topped that notable event? Could our lives, in fact, be downwardly spiraling out of boredom control until our greatest source of entertainment is laughing at Two and a Half Men Wednesday nights. Well, an event has come along, as noteworthy as the Pup pagkasal (wedding in Filipino). The Lakers first-round playoff series versus the Suns.
Even at the Puppy household, the playoffs are overshadowing all else. How do I know? Well, I’m probably not far off imagining this was the dialogue between Puppy and Karen Matsen on Sunday, April 26th before the first game in the playoff series.
5pm CST Chicago (3pm PST Phoenix)
Karen: Brian hunny, aren’t you going home teaching now?
Puppy: Oh, um, No, I um, the families um, see they aren’t home today.
Karen: But, I saw Sis. Stevens at church and she said you and Bob were going visiting today.
Puppy: Well, yes, but then – wait, what’s for dinner? Baby, you are such a good cook. I love your cooking. You look good in that dress? Is that new? I love you. I love you a lot.
Karen: Ohhh Brieepoo. I love you, too.
(A little kiss kiss action)
Puppy: I’m just gonna turn the TV on for a sec and relax. Elders quorum was kinda rough today.
Karen: Ok, baby I’ll get started on dinner.
Puppy: You’re the best. Oh, can you bring in some chips and salsa. I didn’t have much lunch. I love you.
Announcer: (From the TV) And now you’re starting five for the Los Angeles Lakers. At center, standing…
And I’m pretty certain the conversation went something like this on Tuesday, April 28th the second game of the series.
9:30pm CST (7:30pm PST)
Karen: Brian dear. I got a beautiful new album today and thought we could spend tonight putting wedding photos in it.
Puppy: Baby marrying you was the best thing ever. You know we never just relax and watch TV. Take your shoes off, relax. Let me rub your feet. Now, let’s just flip and see what’s on.
Karen: Oh, look the Bachelor. Let’s watch that.
Puppy: Baby, why do you need to watch that. You got me. Bachelor No Mas. (Flips through channels) Huh. Lookie here. The Lakers are playing. This will be good for me to watch this, cause you know I’m coaching that basketball camp this summer.
Karen: Who is that #8, he looks pretty good.
Puppy: (Looks up at Karen puzzled and baffled.)
(Cut to 11:30pm)
Karen: Brian, you about ready for bed.
Puppy: Just a few more minutes. The third quarter is almost over.
Karen: (with a seductive, sexy voice) Brieepoo, don’t you want to come lie down.
Puppy: (intensely watching TV.) THAT’S A TRAVEL. DIAW SHUFFLED HIS FEET.
Karen: (even more seductively and more sexually) Maddog. Come to bed. Show me that woof woof. (turns on ‘who let the dogs out’ song)
Puppy: Baby, baby, baby can you turn it down I can’t hear the TV over all that ruckus.
Karen: (whispering in Puppy’s ear.) I’ve got an extra special treat for you.
Puppy: Perfect timing, the Lakers just took a 20 second time out.
(Cut to 12:30am)
Puppy: (gets into bed. Nudges Karen.) Baby, the Lakers won. And I’m all sorts of excited.
Karen: (rolls away from him.)
Well, perhaps the conversation didn’t go exactly like that. But, that was simply a long introduction to get to my main point, which is, why, with 5 super Lakers fans living in the Phoenix area, have we not sabatoged the Phoenix Suns team? Are we not the Hotel California who successfully stole the front door off the Brick house in the dead of winter? Are we not the guys who brought spring showers to Jen Eliason and friend’s backyard camping outing? Are we not the house who planned and pulled off the most legendary Ping Pong prank in BYU history? YES. That’s us. We are they.
So, why isn’t Steve Nash suffering from itching powder in his jock strap? Why isn’t Boris Diaw finding Ex Lax in his french bread, french fries, or french dressing? Why isn’t Raja Bell showing up early to stuff cause his clocks are all off? Why isn’t Shawn Marion freaking out cause his pee is blue?
I’ll tell your cheeks why. We do not need to employ such tactics to defeat the 2 seed. Could Rico, Cam, Teddy, Brent and the Conner infiltrate the Sun players’ security systems. Of course. I have no doubt. But we don’t need to. The Lakes can do it on their own. Kobe playing team ball, Odom playing like he’s laying off the green leaf, Smush playing a little D-fence, and Walton. I am really impressed with Ted’s firstborn’s namesake. This is good stuff. Go Lakes. I hope they get to the Clippers. If they do meet up, the question is, which Laker steps up to grab Kaman’s cahones?