Monday, January 12, 2009

2008 Hotel California #1

#1. Sorry for the pause in announcing our 2008 winner. I had the crying baby with a double ear infection. But, here are we are. Numero uno. Who is it and what happened? Before I mention the winner, I’d like to remind everyone that all opinions and writings are the sole responsibility of Hotel California Top Ten Inc. and are in no way representative of this blog or its affiliates. With that said, number one.

This year we’ve had some terrific events. We’ve seen kids riding surfboards, we’ve honored Jim Rome, and we’ve admired Rich win a Gold Medal. We’ve witnessed Nate and Amy achieve a lifelong pursuit in record time. We’ve had businesses open including a 24-hour gaming facility. We’ve resolved some misperceptions about Dave and his sister, and we’ve celebrated Joe’s life of bliss. We’ve heard huge takes by Dirty B., heralded the Lakers for their tremendous year, discovered Carl’s accumulation of Christmas cards and lent a helping hand to Jonny and Michelle’s relationship. And now number one.

For this year’s number one, we come back to the Lakers and some hotel banter that illuminated this year’s No. 1. In the midst of the NBA Playoffs our number 1 event emerged. The story pretty much tells itself. Have a read. For the sake of time, I may use excerpts from some emails or cut them short. It still may be a bit long, but worth the read.

Date: Thu, 29 May 2008 18:25:10 -0600
Subject: GO LAKES!!
Long overdue email to get some chatter going on the Lakes. After blowing through Coby's dad's team in Denver and, my favorite, beating down the Jazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, we're tightening the noose on the defending Champions. After game 1's HUGE comeback win, I've been stoked. This is going to be a fun game tonight. Lots of us have been texting. Keep 'em coming. And let's fire up the Lake spirit email rants.Jamie

Subject: RE: GO LAKES!!
Date: Fri, 30 May 2008 00:41:49 +0000
Si Jamie,I think you should be a Laker Girl. Get us all fired up and Stuff. You really have purple and yellow blood running in your veins. The Laker Girls is just a stepping stone for your future. I mean that is how Paula Abdul launched her career… Yes, I am with Jamie, GO LAKES! Props to Jamie for the support of the Home team. We haven't heard from the Conner since the Suns fell off the playoff map. Conner, you haven't become a Sun's fan have you? Conner if you have drifted come back. There is still time... And don't tell us that your "wife has rules" with whom your allegiance lies.Here we go Lakes!Cam

From: Conrad Morin []
Sent: Thursday, May 29, 2008 11:13 PM
Subject: RE: GO LAKES!!
Any success the Suns will ever enjoy will be from Laker table scraps. The Big Aristotle has now added the moniker of The Big Cactus. I hear Brian Shaw will interview for the head coaching job for the Suns. If the Suns knew what was good for them, they would snatch him up. Also, look for the Suns to trade for Jordan Farmar in the off season. I will continue to feast at the Laker buffet, and nose around the ground for afterthoughts of nourishment in Suns camp so I can keep up with the water cooler banter in the desert. Viva the mighty Lake Show!Conner

From: tedjennings <>
Date: Fri, 30 May 2008 09:10:33 -0400
Subject: RE: GO LAKES!!
I will openly admit that I am a Suns fan. How can you not like watching Steve Nash and Amare run up and down the court much like the Lakers of the Showtime era… I like the Suns and I unashamedly admit it. The guys on the team are all great players and good citizens. No murder or rape charges here.I also admit that for a time I liked the Suns more than the Lakers. The reason, Kobe Bryant acting likely an egotistical high school "stud". Since he forced Shaq to leave the Lakers he has been acting like Stephan Marbury or Bonzi Wells. It has only been this 2008 season that he has become a real team player and one that I can root for. I never lost my love for the Lakers, it had only been soured the past few years by a spoiled little kid throwing a tantrum and raping a girl so that he could have some street cred and fit in with the rest of the criminals in the NBA.Teed

On 5/30/08, Jamie Webb <> wrote:
Ha ha. Ted, when you check your email next you'll find that someone, probably Alison, logged onto your account and sent an email from your account. You got E-JACKED! This is the only explanation for what I read below. Because there is no way that you love the Suns more than the Lakes! Just can't be. A couple years baking in the Arizona sun hasn't hallucinated your brain into delusions of Suns greatness over the Lakers. I don't buy it. I almost got fooled, but then in today's paper I read about E-Jacking. It's when your electronic mail or email gets hijacked. If it wasn't Alison then maybe a visiting relative, Dave? Paul?, or an off-chance that it was your oldest son, Luke, but he'd have to be some sort of child genius. Anyway, lesson for everyone else — protect your email accounts, there are E-Jackers out there waiting to prank. Jamie

Date: Fri, 30 May 2008 15:47:18 -0600
Subject: Re: GO LAKES!!
I am so glad that Jamie had an explanation... I have been so worried about Ted since I read the E-jacked message that I was thinking we might have to have an E-intervention and all E-meet in AZ … so Ted, please get some more E-security on your computer. I am not sure I could take another E-scare like this again. GO LAKES!!! Carl

From: cameron hulse []
Sent: Friday, May 30, 2008 3:57 PM
Subject: RE: GO LAKES!!
Oh, that makes sense now. Thanks for the clarification Jamie. I be the next email from Ted (or whoever it is) is going to say that he would rather mountain bike than surf.

Ok, quick pause. You following? Basically rah rah Lakers. And then Cam calls out Conner for defecting. Conner confirms his allegiance to the Lakes. But Ted steps in ruffles some feathers, stirs the pot. And then we realize he was e-jacked. Ok, the story continues.

Subject: RE: GO LAKES!!
Date: Fri, 30 May 2008 16:18:36 -0700
No, I have never really gotten into the mountain bike thing, BUT give me a great day of quail hunting over a crappy day of surf any time.
You can't tell me that you have all been so proud of Kobe's behavior since he forced Shaq to leave (excluding this year). His selfish play, his cocky demeanor, his raping of an innocent hotel hostess. Those are all something we should be proud of? I hope my kid grows up to be just like Kobe Bryant. Cameron, if the Clippers were still in San Diego you'd probably be rooting for them the past few years. And Jamie I know that you have waited outside the Pepsi Center trying to get a glimpse of AI or to get Carmelo's autograph. Carl, I'm sure you've bought season tickets to the Jazz by now. You all just won't admit it. At least I'm willing to admit the fact that Kobe's been a jerk and I have sought my basketball fix with another team…

On Fri, May 30, 2008 at 10:17 PM,
Dear all, I have to agree with one thing Ted said. When you are in a different country you sometimes need that sports fix and since basketball is not played by anyone in India you find Cricket interesting. I never would have thought that I would enjoy watching people use an oversized spatula to hit a ball, but it is really interesting to watch. Especially when it is 20/20 format. Mutch better than a test match on one dayer. You just love to see your favorite team get a wicket and the bowlers in India are great. Also, having argueably the bests batsman ever in Tendulkar, it is amazing how many 4s and 6s he gets. Go Team India. The Asia cup is coming up soon. Ted, that is how absurb you sound rooting for the Suns. Maybe if the cougs have a bad year you may start rooting for the Utes. I agree with Carl, we need to do something before it gets that drastic. Jonny

From: Jamie Webb <>
Date: Sat, May 31, 2008 at 5:32 AM
Subject: Re: GO LAKES!!
OH Snap! Jonny just roasted Ted way better than I could have. Hilarious.

The number one event ladies and gentleman for 2008 – Ted got eaten by Bizarro Ted. Ted’s not a Suns fan, but Bizarro Ted is. Ted wouldn’t rather hunt quail than surf. But Bizarro Ted would. Ted would never accuse Cam of being a Clippers fan, but Bizarro Ted would. Bizarro Ted is doing the exact opposite of everything the real Ted would do. Even in the Jennings family Christmas photo (which you’ll get this week Carl) are wearing gel in their hair. Only Bizarro Ted would allow that. And if that doesn’t convince you, Bizarro Ted sent out this very email to Conner:

From: []
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2009 5:28 PM
Subject: Re: Christmas Card
its in my brain (ie blackberry)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

And the Conner retort: “Now granted, I work a Blackberry these days, so this is not a case of the pot calling the kettle black. But I was a finance major and work at a bank. No surprises there. It raises an interesting question...if Teed, among the most mellow of the entire Hotel California crew, is addicted to a Crackberry, how many of us are not enslaved to a digital taskmaster at this point? We may all be goners and not even know it. Sold out to the man. What started with getting a used cell phone has turned into a complete catastrophe! If Lukaleili has a Blackberry that is a certain sign that the apocalypse is upon us.”

Well, Conrad, whether or not Luke has a blackberry or not is a moot point because we’re not dealing with Ted here. It’s Bizarro Ted.

And so raps up the 2008 Hotel California Top Ten. Congrats Ted for grabbing the number spot and to all that earned honors this year. Have a wonderful 2009.

1 comment:

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