Tuesday, January 06, 2009

2008 Hotel California Honorable Mention

Honorable Mention: This year’s HM goes out to our boy in the jungle, Van Smack, the Pimp in the Box, of which we’re all clones, Mr. James Phillip Rome. The guy was on this year. Takes flew around the Hotel airwaves. A few of my many favorites from this past year.

“Just when it looked like they were going to pull off the biggest “choke job” in the history of the NFL, my Detroit Lions finished the dream. My dream! They “manned down”, “fell apart late” and “lost to complete the perfect 0-16 season”! And I can’t tell you how proud I am of each and every one of these guys. This is the 4th best day of my life after my marriage and birth of my two sons Jake and Logan. But you knew they’d make me work for it. 0-15, and headed into the fourth quarter tied with Green Bay and I had a horrible feeling about it. You just knew someone was going to do something really stupid to ruin my dream. Someone was going to go completely “brain-dead”, at the worst possible time…and “make a play”. And that sort of garbage is contagious! Next thing you know, other gutless slackers start hustling, showing heart and caring. And then Rod Marinelli is standing over me, and using his “sharp shovel” to “carve my heart right out of my chest”! But luckily, these Lions “are who we thought they were”! And when they absolutely had to have it! In the fourth quarter, they “laid down” to preserve the perfect season.”

“If you’re wondering how O.J. Simpson is adjusting to life on the inside. According to his attorney, Gabriel Grasso, “just fine, thank you”. According to Grasso, ‘Oadge’ is earning respect and cred’ and a “little space in the slam”…by buying it: “…O.J. is actually buying stuff for all of these other guys who can’t have anybody on the outside. Candy bars, soup, chocolate, whatever you can buy at the commissary he’s been actually buying it for them, using his money to buy it for them.” Look, I don’t now much about being on the inside other than what I’ve read and seen in movies, but I always thought you made your “rep in the cooler” by picking the “baddest dude” on your cellblock and throwing with him in the cafeteria, in front of everyone, on day 1. I didn’t know you could just roll in and hook them up with “Snickers Bars” and “Top Ramen”. ‘Oadge’ is like the Morgan Freeman of the Nevada penal system! The guy who can get you things. Memo to the guards working ‘Oadge’s’ wing…if he throws up a Rita Hayworth poster, or pocketing dirt…look out! It means ‘Oadge’ is already halfway to Ziwataneo, Mexico.”

“Over the weekend, the Lady Wildcats of Arizona lost a thrilling…eerrrr embarrassing double overtime game to Oregon State. Apparently Zona only dressed 6 players and finished regulation with 4 on the floor. 2 fouled out. By the end of the second overtime they were down to 2 players. Great job Arizona and Oregon State. Way to bring cred to your sport. Nothing says legitimate sport better than 5 on 2. Nothing says we’re a legit sport than needing to go to double OT to beat a team with only 2 players. When 2 players can take on your entire five, there’s a problem. Memo to all layup and set shot coaches, this is basketball, not dodge ball.”

Easily the best morning sports radio talk show host. No better. None are even close. To all other sports talk show hosts out there, you got nothing. Nothing. If you are one give up now. Concede. Hang it up. If you work in LA, Seattle, even Salt Lake City, time to just call it quits.
Congrats to Romy, Luke and the word Si! Tomorrow the real fun begins.

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